Musings and thoughts!

This thing about best friends always made me wonder. I just don’t like the phrase “best” because it implies a class system. It implies exclusion. I tend to invest in a friendship when I feel a connection of heart and soul and mind.
Sometimes I invest much and then find myself withdrawing, because I feel bad for intruding on their lives.
This week a ‘sister’ reminded me that I am not isolated or alone and not tolerated but absolutely loved and needed and valued. She reminded me that my vulnerability is by no means a bad thing, but I need to be honest with her; and another friend got positively annoyed because I didn’t tell her I was having a bad few days (didn’t want to disturb her joy!) she said, “we’re soul sisters Estelle!”
Now these two women in particular and others I would place in the same category are not really just friends and certainly, not best friends but sisters for me. The only time I would use the word Best in regard to these sisters is that they bring the best out of me.
These women have taken me into their family. I have family but this is a different kind of connection. My “soul sisters” are people who I believe are part of my life for a reason. I have to say that the feeling and the way we are with each other is mutual.
I should also point out that I have some awesome “soul Brothers” and they are men who I love and trust and get our friendship and make me feel worthy. The relationships are healthy and normal and honest. You see some days I have wondered if people tolerate me being around or actually want me in their lives.

I wrote and told my buddy how I was feeling and here’s some of the message I received in return.

“I pray that God will softly speak inclusion and worthiness into your spirit and show you clearly how genuinely people love you. I pray that you would believe truly that you are not just tolerated (as I sometimes think you believe) but you are wanted, desired and enjoyed by the people that love you.
What you CAN be assured of is that you are truly part of our family. Truly loved by us, truly cared for. ”
Now I am working on this and actually have decided that this will be my “soul” focus for 2015.

But it made me wonder how many people in the world feel like this?
There are days I feel alone, but never lonely.

And then I opened my fridge and saw the bottle of Coke. “You are not alone” and a young friend commented on my Instagram post of the bottle “..because you have Jesus”


I am writing this not because I think I am better than anyone else or I want comments about it! I am writing this to encourage others to move forward and also to ask “what are you prepared to work on?” What messages have we heard in our lives that are lies?
My “brothers & sisters” and friends will hold me accountable but let me tell you I already feel better because my sister was honest with me.

Reflecting as you do on the year past where do you see the new one taking you?


6 thoughts on “Musings and thoughts!

  1. Wendy Goodman

    Thank you for this Estelle, I so identify with the feelings you have bravely shared, though I don’t think I have such a network of friends as you do. I feel somewhat tied at times looking after a retired officer, that I forget who I am and that I miss mixing with those nearer my own age. But I know to whom I belong. He is faithful.

    God bless you and the work you do, I really enjoy reading of your adventures


    Sent from my iPad


  2. Sheilagh Smith

    Thank you Estelle, I loved the honesty, know that it comes at a cost – it does to all of us! I know from the experiences of this year especially, how God needs us to be truly honest – He knows it anyway! But, when we are honest, be ‘level’ with Him and He can minister to that root of pain/distress/ doubt or whatever the feeling or cause is. I’m praying that you will know His ministering angels right now, to bring reassurance; hope; trust and healing. Love and huge hugs to you xxx Sheilagh

  3. Iris Bennett

    Estelle, you are truly loved by every person who meets you. I only have to hear your name and I smile. While you were in Hoxton I was inspired by your commitment to the Salvation Army, God and the people you are working with. I have a few people in my life who I consider family but have no blood tie to so join the club xxx

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