life goes on

Life goes on……………..
I don’t like the month of JUNE and this year will be ten years since my parents were “promoted to glory” or they passed or died or are no more – yes I am bordering on quoting the whole of the dead parrot scene from Monty Python, but I won’t.
Over the last few weeks I have discovered personally that for me grieving is living. Living with the everyday knowledge that you won’t hear their voices again, has probably been one of the hardest experiences for me. I am grateful for Youtube and a video of my parents doing what they did best – leading a church in worship.
I have cried openly and at surprising moments over the last few weeks as several times, the grief has hit me when I least expected it; although having 2 Mothers Day festivals in 2 months probably didn’t help. I am grateful to those that I have been able to be honest with in my pain. And who all these years later walk the road with me.
They say it takes a village to raise a child, can I say it takes a village to walk and grieve with an individual or family.
Life takes over when the music has faded and comfort is no longer found in numbers.
Life takes over when you need to eat and cook and clean and people expect you to get back to it.
Life takes over the grief when you are invited to a party and don’t feel like going because you might bring the mood down.
Life takes over when you see a family enjoying being together and your dream and wish that you could do that mundane shop again.
Life takes over when people don’t know what to say and you find yourself comforting them.
Life takes over when you don’t want to be nice to anyone anymore or have them be nice to you. Life takes over when you are in the supermarket and everyone is just getting on with life and you want to shout, “ I miss my parents.
Life is unfair. I am grieving and don’t want to be happy.” Life takes over when you have to explain the whole story – again!
Life takes over when even now you pick up the phone to tell your mum or dad about your day and then realise you can’t.
Life takes over when you are in so much pain that you sob as you fall asleep because “your village” have been amazing and you don’t want to burden them anymore.
Life takes over when you put your grief aside to walk the path so well trod with someone in your village.
Life takes over but the grief and the constant sadness never passes, it lessens.
Life takes over the grief and you thank God for that bit of breathing space.
Life goes on even when you don’t want it too and some days you are grateful some days you wish it had stopped at the last laugh, hug or I love you.
Life goes on and the village gets smaller but they are still there and so are you going through life.
You see life goes on……………….and so does the grieving.

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3 thoughts on “life goes on

  1. Anne Warner

    Yes Estelle I agree with all you have said – life in a different form takes over. Within space of 10 months both my parents were PTG – 1990 &1991 at times the longing for them gets so intense and you think if only I could see them for another 5 mins just to sit and chat – speak of those things that were never spoken of in the past but you know it would not be enough – we would always want more. Life goes on but the grieve – sadness continue along with you – lessened to a degree with the passing of time but still makes its presence felt at unpredictable times that shakes the whole being of your living. Life for you takes over – When the music fades and all is stripped away – many will think it’s time you ‘got over it’ others will faithfully walk alongside you dodgedly trying to access your mood from day to day as they seek to support you through these times of utter grief. Thank God for them and for their loving faithful walk as we live our life through our grieve one day – one step at a time – as we live our grieve will will walk with us but so too will the memories of happy times spent in communion together as a family.

  2. Alice McKnight

    Well said Estelle such beautiful poignant thoughts from the very depth of your being such a pouring out of meaningful feelings and thoughts of dealing with loss and grief. Love and blessings coming your way. Know you have a Heavenly Father who surrounds with His amazing love. Be constantly assured of that truth.

  3. Helen Froud

    Estelle, thank you for this. Grief comes in lots of forms, and bereavement isn’t the only one. So I utterly ‘get’ the feeling of being alone when you don’t want to be, turning to anticipate talking to someone who is no longer there, or never wanting to explain your loss to anyone for the pain it causes. That we are loved by others somehow isn’t enough: we want to be loved by those we have lost. Many God continue to comfort you in your grief in the days ahead.

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