today i am 49

Today I am 49, I feel older than that some days and younger than that some days. As I have never been this age before I am not sure what it is supposed to feel like. But as always, I look back on the last year and laugh, cry, smile, remember, and more importantly thank God for the fact I am here to celebrate another birthday. So here’s a list of 49 moments from the last year.

1. I have realised I can speak good Italian – a week in hospital does that to you
2. I ticked a few things off my bucket list this year – attending meetings at the UN was one of those
3. I can offer advice when asked
4. I am reading more diverse books
5. My Pride and Prejudice collection has exploded
6. I am learning about uncomfortable issues like passive racism
7. I love to cook
8. I rediscovered the cooking passion
9. Verona is a very cool city to visit
10. I miss people and places, but mainly people
11. Grief is a long term process
12. Presence is better than words
13. It’s okay to spoil myself
14. It’s okay to take time for Estelle
15. I don’t like walking but it’s good for me
16. 51°c with no air con is too hot.
17. Blue Skies always feel better when it rains
18. I am loved by so many people
19. I am a terrible patient
20. I can talk with passion about Social Justice issues anywhere – including just before my colonoscopy
21. My tribe is the best.
22. Words count
23. 10 years went by fast
24. Sometimes telling people you love them makes a difference
25. Technology has been a blessing
26. Binge watching means I get hooked on shows like “Designated Survivor”
27. I still cry at happy endings
28. Jazz is my favourite chill out music
29. Gospel does my soul good
30. Making new friends is a good idea
31. Dancing is good
32. Tears in private or public are okay
33. I am blessed
34. I watched 4 transfusions go in my body
35. I discovered my blood type
36. I am grateful for strong friendships
37. I still get scared
38. Being a grown up is not always hard, it can be fun too
39. Sometimes I laugh in inappropriate places
40. The peri-menopause is not nice
41. My favourite gelato this year is “Rice Pudding”
42. Watching my favourite Italian football team live was fun
43. I have had some big dreams this year and they excite me
44. I enjoy preaching
45. Taking photos is fun
46. As my buddy Bronwen says, “something shifted” and I have moved on in an area of my life
47. I still love happy endings
48. I am creative
49. A few years ago . Lt. Colonel George Pilkington told me about how he always reads the Psalm for his birthday that year with the same number of years as his age. So here is Psalm 49

49 ^1-2 Listen, everyone, listen—
earth-dwellers, don’t miss this.
All you haves
and have-nots,
All together now: listen.

^3-4 I set plainspoken wisdom before you,
my heart-seasoned understandings of life.
I fine-tuned my ear to the sayings of the wise,
I solve life’s riddle with the help of a harp.

^5-6 So why should I fear in bad times,
hemmed in by enemy malice,
Shoved around by bullies,
demeaned by the arrogant rich?

^7-9 Really! There’s no such thing as self-rescue,
pulling yourself up by your bootstraps.
The cost of rescue is beyond our means,
and even then it doesn’t guarantee
Life forever, or insurance
against the Black Hole.

^10-11 Anyone can see that the brightest and best die,
wiped out right along with fools and dunces.
They leave all their prowess behind,
move into their new home, The Coffin,
The cemetery their permanent address.
And to think they named counties after themselves!

¹² We aren’t immortal. We don’t last long.
Like our dogs, we age and weaken. And die.

^13-15 This is what happens to those who live for the moment,
who only look out for themselves:
Death herds them like sheep straight to hell;
they disappear down the gullet of the grave;
They waste away to nothing—
nothing left but a marker in a cemetery.
But me? God snatches me from the clutch of death,
he reaches down and grabs me.

^16-19 So don’t be impressed with those who get rich
and pile up fame and fortune.
They can’t take it with them;
fame and fortune all get left behind.
Just when they think they’ve arrived
and folks praise them because they’ve made good,
They enter the family burial plot
where they’ll never see sunshine again.

²⁰ We aren’t immortal. We don’t last long.
Like our dogs, we age and weaken. And die.